Not to start on a sad note, but my Uncle John's funeral was about a month ago in California. There I got to experience what true love really is and how it was shown. The love between my aunt & uncle was indescribable. Whenever I saw them together there were always the biggest smiles on their faces. They completely, immensely & indescribably enjoyed the company of one another and were rarely apart. Whether it was hiking, camping, traveling across the states...they were always just loving life & doing it together!
Becoming single this past year has...in the least...been incredibly rough. I have learned you can't trust everyone & not everyone has your best interests in mind. <<<< This sounds like a no brainer, but when I have been 'taken' for almost 7 years I feel like I'm starting from square one. The last few months I have wasted my heart on a good number of guys who told me they were ALL in and ready for 'this,' whatever 'this' might have been, and I have been told the line by every single one of these men..."You're amazing, I have feelings for you, but I want to do me." :/ If I hear the line "I want to do me" ONE more time I might lose it. Two weekends ago I took a situation into my own hands. I got flown out to a state by a man and welllllll got neglected the entire weekend. SO I packed up my things Saturday morning and drove the rental car to Florida for the day! And even though I had to drive 5 hours @ 2am the next morning back to the airport...it was completely worth it! I got to catch up with a friend from deployment & laid on the beach for 4 hours just feeling the warmth of the sun & the salty ocean air all around me. More then worth it. And that 2 hour drive to the beach was the most empowering & incredible feeling I have ever felt. I finally felt COMPLETELY over my deployment love and any other crap I started in the last 4-5 months. There were signs that I was passing as I was driving that said the guys names that I started/ended stuff with (maybe a coincidence but for sure a God thing in my eyes) and as I was passing them, as they blurred out of view of my rear view mirror, it felt like I was leaving that part of my life behind and driving forward. I love the feeling of not being held down by a person, feelings, distance, wants. I am very passionate about my career in the military and I am on my way to a new career field within the Air Guard & I am able to focus on reaching my goals to get there! I am able to focus on growing my faith because that seemed to get lost in the shuffle of post deployment & the transition back home. I am back to volunteering with the kiddos at church every other Sunday. Focusing on spending time with my family & friends. Learning something new every day within recruiting on base. I am able to OFFICIALLY love life & focus on ME and what needs to happen to get on the correct path for myself. Am I still open to a relationship...? Of course! But for once I am not searching. A couple of my very good friends have let me know I don't need to search. To let the right person come to me. If you two are reading this...YES, I am FINALLY taking your advice ;) To any one reading this I hope you have the same type of eye opening impact on your life. That you know God has the right person out there for you & before you can fully give your feelings/heart to someone...you need to first let yourself grow & find your happy place. One of mine is pictured below, at this gorgeous rose garden we found in my aunt's neighborhood on our daily walk that weekend. You never know what experience, next travel adventure, new person you meet will help lead you to the place you are meant to be. All I can say is...take in every moment you experience as a blessing because a positive outlook on life will lead you to even better outcomes! xoxo
